Us Aspies don’t always display talent at noticing hints and picking up cues.
Years ago, at the time when I was attending a small church, one of the ladies that I met there began to visit me on a regular basis, accompanied by her 16 year old son.
She was definitely on the hefty side, tending to steatopygia, and had green Irish eyes; a single mother about ten years older than me, who had never married. We used to hire out comedy videos to watch at my flat. It was fun for the three of us to sit on the couch and laugh together.
After a few months my birthday came up. One of my running buddies came along to have some cake and watch a video or two with us. A few other people also stayed a short while. It became quite late and my running buddy stayed on. I was astonished by the large lady’s rudeness when she said “Some people should be leaving now.” She made several comments in similar vein during the course of the evening but my running buddy ignored her. Of course, I had a Clouseau-like naivete as to why she was so possessive, little realizing she wanted me to herself because she was after me. I had never in all these months indicated anything more than a platonic interest in her. I had always tended to form friendships with people of any age and either gender without any bias. She was pleasant enough when she was happy, but when she became angry, which was quite frequent, her vivid eyes would flash threateningly and she would puff up her large frame like the Dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park:
solid and fearsome!
She had seen me as a potential suitor from the start, but I had never indicated either in speech or gesture that I physically or romantically desired her. Her visits gradually lessened when she realized that I wasn’t really that keen on her. Some months later when she did visit again she mentioned to me what an earth-shattering roll in the sack she’d recently had with some guy. She didn’t get much action so I was pleased for her.
This little saga goes to show that us Aspies are not always aware of subtle hints and the social behavior to be read between the lines. Maybe it’s just as well she never said anything too upfront as I would have found it difficult to explain clearly that her advances did not attract me!
Fortunately, we do learn from these experiences and how to handle them…